Last Man Standing: Happosai
by foesjoe
Summary: Ranma dies! Everybody else dies! Only Happosai survives. Oh, and Akane, too. Kind of... Pairings: HapposaiAkane. If you squint a little.


Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, Rumiko Takahashi does. Also, Happosai is awesome

**Last Man Standing: Happosai**

a Ranma1/2 fan fiction by foesjoe

Soun Tendo sat on the porch leading to the garden of the Tendo dojo. He was smoking a cigarette, his shoulders were slumped and an almost tangible aura of gloominess surrounded him. Tears were streaking down in his face in a constant stream of salty wetness which had already thoroughly soaked the blue gi he was wearing.

"My poor baby girl," the Tendo patriarch sobbed. "I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. To be kidnapped by vicious, man eating bird people and taken away from your loving father. Oooh, how could the fates be so cruel."

Kasumi Tendo, Soun's oldest daughter, heard the distressed cries of her father and made her way outside in order to comfort him.

"There, there daddy," she said soothingly while she pulled her father in a comforting embrace. "I'm sure Akane is fine. These bird people didn't really seem so bad to me," she told the distressed man.

Then she continued to mutter quietly, as to not let her father hear. "Though they could have at least cleaned up their mess when they left. There were feathers everywhere in Akane-chan's room."

The oldest Tendo shook her head to get rid off such unbecoming thoughts, before she continued cheering up her father.

"And isn't Ranma with her anyway? I'm sure she'll be fine. You'll see, she'll be back in no time and tell us an exciting story about that latest adventure of hers." Her voice sounded almost envious towards the end of that last sentence.

"Do you really think so?" Soun asked hopefully, totally missing the little bit of envy that had crept into his daughter's voice.

"Of course I do father. You know Ranma just as well as I do. And you should know by now that Ranma doesn't lose, not when it counts."

"Thank you, Kasumi! You're such a good daughter, always making your poor father feel better!"

Just as Soun was about to embrace his daughter in a bone-crushing hug, Happosai came bounding over the perimeter wall of the Tendo home. Bouncing off the Tendo patriarch's head, he came to a stop on the living-room table, leaving his disciple with a mouthful of dirt.

"What's this?" The grandmaster of Anything Goes asked, looking around with a curious look on his face. "Hasn't my precious Ranma-chan returned yet? And where is Akane-chan?"

"No, grandfather," replied Kasumi, shooting Happosai a thankful smile. "I'm afraid they're both still in China. Yesterday some bird people came here and took Akane with them to China. She forgot even to take a change of clothes with her."

"What?!" Happosai exclaimed in outrage. "And you haven't gone off to get them back yet? I can't believe it! SOUN!" he addressed his former student.

"Ye- yes, Master?"

"Pack your things, we're going after Ranma and Akane!"

"At once, Master!"

The Tendo patriarch, never one to question his master's orders for fear of the terrible retribution it might cause, rushed off to pack for a trip to China.

"Oh, are you going on a trip, grandfather?" asked Kasumi. She had wandered into the kitchen and missed the little exchange between her father and his master.

"Yes, your father and I are going to China to bring back your sister Akane and my precious Ranma-chan."

Kasumi was going to say something in response to that, but a new voice sounded from upstairs.

"What's this I'm hearing about a trip to China?" Nabiki asked, coming down the stairs.

"Daddy and grandfather Happosai are going to China to bring back Ranma and Akane. Isn't it wonderful?"

"You know," said Nabiki, "I've always wanted to go to China. You don't suppose we could accompany you, do you, grandfather Happosai?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" came Soun's stern voice from the hallway. He had finished packing and stood ready to go. "I won't allow it. This trip is going to be dangerous, I won't have you two come with us."

"Really now, daddy," drawled Nabiki. This was a perfect opportunity to get to China without having to pay for it herself and she had always wanted to see that country. Nobody would keep her from accompanying her parent and his master on this trip. Besides, Kasumi needed to get out of the house more. This was the perfect chance to get two birds with one stone.

Fortunately, Nabiki knew just which buttons to push on her father to manipulate him into allowing them to come along. Not that it was really all that hard. "And I suppose leaving your two daughters alone back at home without anybody to protect us is safer?"

_Ha! He won't be able to keep us from coming with him now. Playing the 'unprotected daughter' card always works like a charm._ The greedy girl could almost see her father's attitude doing a complete turnaround and had to work hard to keep the inner smirk from showing on her face.

"Of course not! Therefore I have just now decided that you will accompany us. Unless the master has any objections?"

Happosai was indeed going to object at first, but then he realized that the trip would be much more fun if two pretty girls tagged along. "It's fine with me," he said, shrugging his diminutive shoulders.

"Ha! It's settled then. Pack your bags, Kasumi. We're going to China!"

-V-V-V-

_Damn it! There's so much flames everywhere, I can't even see that winged bastard. If I just had a clear shot I could sent a Hiryo Shoten Ha at him that would be squeezed to a razor sharp edge and finish him off. _

Ranma was almost despairing. He had been fighting the Phoenix King for what seemed to him like hours and his winged opponent simply shrugged off everything the pigtailed teen threw his way. And the one strategy that was almost guaranteed to grant him a victory was pointless if he couldn't even see his opponent.

"Sweeto! What's that you have there, Ranma?"

Upon hearing the voice of his perverted grandmaster the pigtailed martial artist looked up, his expression a mixture of anxiety and hope. If Happosai was here to help him then he might just be able to beat Saffron and get the cursed cold water for Akane.

"Just hold on a little bit longer, Akane. I'll be able to get you back to normal soo- What the - Akane! Where'd you go?!" the young Saotome exclaimed in surprised disbelief when he realized that the doll Akane had turned into was gone. Looking up, he caught a glimpse of a purple gi vanishing through the sea of flames.

"Happosai! You filthy bastard! Give her back!"

Ranma was just about to go after the perverted old man when another voice caught his attention.

"Oh my, it's really hot in here."

_No, it can't be. They can't be here, _Ranma thought in horror. Against his better judgement he turned around, hoping that hearing Kasumi's voice had just been a figment of his imagination.

Alas, his luck had never been that good. There, in all their glory, stood the rest of the Tendo family, looking around with their mouths and eyes open in wonder.

"What the hell are you guys doing here? Are you nuts?! Get out, it's way too dangerous for you!"

Before the Saotome heir could continue berating them for their thoughtlessness in coming here, Saffron's voice sounded from behind him.

"How dare you turn your back on me?! Me, the Phoenix King! Foolish landlingl! I'll make you regret showing me that much disrespect, TENKA SHUNMETSU KOUKYUU DAN!"

Ranma quickly spun around, about to tell that overgrown bird where he could shove his supposed nobility. His taunt died on his lips, however, when he saw the HUGE fireball coming his way.

"OH SHI-" were the last words coming out of the young martial artist's mouth before he was swallowed by his fiery death.

"NOOOOOOO!!! Ranma/ Son/ Airen!"

All the various people present could only look on in horror as their son/friend/rival/love interest was incinerated before their eyes.

"Oh my, I wonder what made grandfather Happosai leave so suddenly?"

All except one, that is.

"AHAHAHA!" came Saffron's mocking laughter. "Now that I'm finished with that low-born fool, it is time to take care of the rest of you."

Having witnessed one of their own getting incinerated left the rest of the people from Japan with a low morale and in no condition to fight.

All that remained of them a few minutes later were ashes.

-V-V-V-

A single beam of light shone through the only window of a small room. The room was a mess, with bras and panties strewn about everywhere. The only exception to the disarray was a small clean spot, an island of tidiness within the ocean of disarray, with a red pillow in the middle. A small doll, about the size of a hand, was situated on top of the pillow.

The doll was in the likeness of a teen aged girl with short, blueish black hair. And on closer inspection, one could almost make out individual strands of hair. The girl was pretty, her eyes were closed in what appeared to be contentment and a small smile decorated her face. The rest of her body was just as perfect, with perfectly defined muscles in her limbs and even the nipples on her breasts seemed real. The doll seemed almost alive because of its incredibly detailed appearance. And the single ray of light that shone into the room landed directly on the perfect depiction of a young girl, increasing her beauty even more.

The beam of light was broken for a moment and a gnomish figure with a huge sack slung over its shoulders bounded into the room.

"Akane-chan, I'm back! And this time I got a little something for you, too!"

The figure put down its sack, revealing itself to be a tiny old man with handkerchief bound around his head.

"I'm sure you're going to like it," he said while he was rummaging through his bag, wildly throwing panties and bras in every direction.

"I braved every danger and overcame any obstacle in my path to get you this! I found it in that new "Toys 'R' Us" store that just opened up a few days ago."

After a few more minutes of looking through his ill-gained goods, the old man finally cried out in triumph. "Aha! There it is! Usually it belongs to a doll called Baabie, but I'm sure you'll look much better in it!"

He proceeded to dress the small replica of a girl in the toy underwear before he took her in his arms and cuddled her like a small child would a teddy bear.

"You're soo beautiful, Akane-chan. I'm never going to give you away. You're my precious.

"My precioussss."


End file.
